Stately Joking: Official Dad Joke Thread

41

True story from this morning. While walking with my 8yo daughter we were talking about all of the different types of birds that were out and we could see, and that we did not know what any of them were, other than different from each other.

Daughter: I don’t know any bird types or bird calls. I should learn about birds.
Me: I know a bird call.
Daughter: Really?
Me: (shouting) HEY BIRDS!
Daughter: That was the worst dad joke ever
(10 seconds pass)
Daughter: Ok, that was actually pretty funny
Me: Yes!

10 Likes
42

Went for a job interview today, at IKEA. The manager said, “Come in, make a seat.”

Happy Father’s Day!

6 Likes
43

barry
barry1366×768 176 KB

5 Likes
45

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile?

“Get in the Batmobile.”

5 Likes
46

What did one wall say to the other?

I’ll meet you at the corner.

I ate a clock once for dinner…
it was very time-consuming.

2 Likes
47

My cousin’s husband ran a comic shop in West Virginia called Highlander Comics. He was never able to franchise it, though. Apparently there could be only one.

2 Likes
48

IMG_20210922_044253
IMG_20210922_0442532560×1600 135 KB

49

The first rule of passive aggressive club is… You know what, nevermind. It’s fine.

8 Likes
50

The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

5 Likes
51

It’s going to sound weird, but I had that same thing happen once with a dictionary.

I was going to try to return it, but the experience left me speechless.

3 Likes
52

Reminds me of the defective calendar I had to return. Apparently the company had some issues with lazy employees and it led to them taking a couple days off.

Good news is those bum calendarmakers got canned. After those mistakes, they knew their days were numbered.

I may have screwed up some of these calendar-related jokes. Sorry if they were a little week.

4 Likes
53

I just started the whiskey diet. I’ve already lost 3 days!

3 Likes
54

How do you think the unthinkable?

With an ithberg…

5 Likes
55

Why did Will use an open hand? Because paper always beats Rock.

3 Likes
56

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

Happy Father’s Day!

7 Likes
57

(Stolen from Twitter)

I’ve invented a telepathic air freshener. It makes scents when you think about it.

4 Likes
58

A Mexican magician promised he would disappear on the count of three. With the audience in rapt attention he began to count…

Uno!

Dos!

POOF he was gone!

He had vanished without a tres.

4 Likes
59

I was just hospitalized for a peekaboo accident. They put me in the ICU.

Happy Father’s Day!

7 Likes
60

I’m trying to write a joke about people who don’t exercise but none of them are working out.

6 Likes
61

I actually know of a great exercise for people who don’t like to work out. They are called diddly-squats.