I enjoyed it immensely, but wasn’t sure I wanted to toot that horn considering that I didn’t see if via completely legal methods…
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If a man can’t show some colonial cousins some bloody BBC programming, why do I pay them money every year?
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I just got back from taking my 5-year-old son to Slider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse. It was awesome! Visually, the movie was a great for the eyes and really looked like a comic. There were speech bubbles and paneling and even inking like traditional comics. The story had great heart and a good positive message. There as humor and action and a few bizarre moments that still made sense. I’m a fan!
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The Meg. I have seen some shit in my time, ladies and gents, but there is nothing to redeem this film. Do not watch. Statham is less characterful than a Lego figurine. There are no scares, there is no tension, there is no suspense. Utterly worthless.
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…I’m probably still gonna do it.
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Bird Box. A fairly accurate adaptation of the book. Sandra Bullock is rather flintier here than usual, which is a nice change, and the apocalypse differs from the norm. Partly rests upon the nature of the threat, which is never explained, and that either undermines the whole film or works, depending upon the viewer. Some really difficult to watch scenes with children in peril that get to me even though I don’t have kids; I must be getting old.
Pyewacket. Run of the mill job about demon summoning and regretting it.
Mom and Dad. One of Nick Cage’s saner roles, as parents set about killing their children. Crap.
Mandy. Visually amazing, great audio, but I’m not sure the rest of the film really matches it. Cage is just completely unhinged, even for him, in the latter half of the film, and I suppose it’s understandable but I’m sure the normal level of crazy, for him, would suffice. Probably worth watching again, much like Beyond the Black Rainbow, as I found it interesting enough. Cosmatos’ direction is really good, I’m just not sure it suits such a conventional story.
Mary Poppins Returns.
Jesus fuck, this atrocity of a screenplay should’ve been shot and buried at sea. The only redeeming quality of this shitstorm, which was about 2 hours too long, was that my kids kind of enjoyed it. (Caveat being they could watch an hour long documentary on seal coating an asphalt driveway and not give fuck all because it’s on a screen). I’m not even English and I was insulted by the accents, which were easily one of the least awful things about this hot remade mess.
Jane and Michael Banks (the kids in the original) return as grown up and more irritating adults who somehow failed to gain the ability to act over the last however many years. Michael is a financial idiot who has somehow wormed himself into debt, yet misplaced the one and only document proving that he is, in fact, wealthy enough to avoid the unscrupulous banker seizing his childhood home. In swoops Mary Poppins, two hours and ten minutes of unnecessary and forgettable song and dance ensues, and lo and behold, this fuckwit had painted a goddamn picture on the document he needed then let his kid patch a kite with it what the fucking fuck. I’ve never regretted not bringing a flask somewhere more than I did sitting through this abortion.
tl;dr - lighting myself afire would’ve been half as painful and twice as entertaining as sitting through Mary Poppins Returns. Learn from my mistake kids, avoid this movie like leftover fast food.
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Some genuine lols outta me, bud. Bonus points because my girlfriend went to see it with her mom today, and I read her the choice bits out loud.
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If it was that painful to watch Mary Poppins perhaps you should have taken some medicine. In fact, I heard that a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down…the medicine go down…the medicine go down.
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Have 2018’s most grudging like.
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Hahaha! I started reading that and thought it was an @OhBollox post, and couldn’t figure out why in the world he ever saw Mary Poppins Returns!
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That may be the highest praise I’ve ever received! 
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The Incredibles 2. I’m not going to say it’s the same lightning in a bottle as the first; I think Disney are compelling Pixar to do sequels, and it’s ruining them. That said, this is very good, and if it is a little bit too much of a retread of the first, it’s forgivable. It’s inventive, fun, and exciting, and it contains some important thoughts you don’t see touched on often enough.
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Three years ago today, apparently, I saw Star Wars VII, and it was so extraordinarily meh I didn’t even bother to see VIII.
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Correct
Just as well. Everyone was so busy being divided about the political and social issues that no one ever considered that some of us might just hate it because it’s lousy. Still better than Awakens, but not by much. It at least tried new things instead of relying on the old, but by and large they did not work.
This is my epitaph for the prequels.
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Good music in the films, though.
Which have benefitted from the new trilogy being released, I think. Now we really realize how hard it was for Lucas to continue the series, and that he wasn’t the only one capable of screwing it up. Plus, Revenge is better than both sequels.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. I believe the phrase is ‘absolute gash’. Best thing it did is alert me to the gorgeous existence of Daniella Pineda.