Five. More. Years

I’d like to thank @Neumannium and @rinelk for the site, and for allowing a truly excessive amount of shitposts. I’d like to thank the site’s notification system for genuinely making me angry several times, telling me I’m posting too much in threads, and maybe if I shut my fucking face other people could express themselves. I’d like to thank the very concept of justice for being so flawed as to let me remain free after all these years, suck it you fucking unachievable ideal, you will never take me down. I’d like to thank Seasonal Affective Disorder for making me attempt the world’s first ever Blue Light Tan, from screens only, and for crippling depression, from which I confidently assert I will never ever recover, until the next time I go outside and shout at the grey squirrels that they are an invasive species and do not deserve the mercy of my lawn upon their tiny little paws. I’d like to thank social media for that “So ‘several’ doesn’t mean ‘seven’?” post that genuinely made me lose the last drop of faith I had in the human race. It was a while ago, but holy fuck, job done.

Last but not leashed, I’d like to thank you all for making my years here so entertaining, and genuinely emotional. As time goes on, my heart shrivels to a lump of jerky, and my prostate becomes a crystalline pebble, I am left with only the unalloyed joy of reading your words through my tarnished, dulling, doll-like eyes, and understanding them using my last spasming neurons, as they casually electrocute each other in love and understanding.



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“Several” is “five.” Clearly.