Now I want Jurassic Dollhouse, where they decide they’ll clone dinosaurs, but make them, like, puppy-sized. They could still get loose, and a bunch of little sharp guys could be a pain in the ass, but I’d like them to try lowering the stakes.
Plus, then you get the Jurassic Skate Park sequel, where they get trained to do sick tricks on little skateboards, and one of them could recreate the skateboarding and smoking dog with a martini sign. Really go for that Westminster Dog Show vibe, but with dinosaurs.
The Falcon and Deadpools girlfriend (and some other chick) go on a fetch quest through monster infested territory.
If mid had a mid, it would be less than that.
This is as far as I got with the review before giving up and watching something else. I wanted to like it, I just couldn’t. I watched the second half of requiem for a dream instead.
Finally got to Conclave and The Substance, not both in one night, both watched with the wife.
I enjoyed Conclave a lot - big name actors doing big name things. Enjoyed the acting and the movie, although admittedly two Jews had to pause a lot to google things.
The Substance. I know, I know, we were forewarned, but still, what the actual fuck. I mean… it was good? I thought the actress that wasn’t Demi Moore and who I also just found out is Andie McDowell’s daughter but with a different last name did a great job, but the visual horror got to be a bit over the top, especially towards the end…
I just saw the trailer for the new Jurassic World movie and my brain about melted. My expectations weren’t high to begin with but really? The acting looks bad. Scarlett Johansson looks horribly miscast and unbelievable in her supposed role. The weapons look ridiculous. Hey, look, there’s a kid there, again, somehow. For a second there I thought I was watching an Indiana Jones movie when they were in some hidden temple. And finally, even though they jumped the shark alway back when they unleashed a T-Rex in San Francisco, I think they are going way, way, way overboard and possibly introducing some Dino/human hybrid here? I think I mentioned this trend in my Alien: Romulus review. It’s tiring. Sigh.
The first Jurassic World movie was the best in the series since the original film. The second was one of the three worst Hollywood movies I have ever seen. The third was just meh. At this point there’s not a lot of reason to bank on the series, but some part of me still is interested nonetheless because, you know, dinosaurs.
The Gorge. Not terrible, but certainly not good. A mess of genres dropped into a film that is too long and still doesn’t do justice to any of them, losing out on brevity and coherence for…nothing, as far as I can tell. Both leads are fine, but their relationship is not, unless it’s meant to be a singular lesson on the benefits of isolation on choosing a partner. One good action sequence.
It was a perfectly fine date night movie that absolutely makes no sense at all.
Like what was the point on dropping him so far out and having him hike there when it turns out it is fairly easy to just fly a helicopter right there. Why keep the location a secret if they were never going to let him live? Why kill them, when it is clear that a WHOLE lot of people know about it…it’s not that big of a secret it seems. Also, I don’t think you would waste elite snipers out there. You could have put any ex-Ranger to take care of that stuff.
It was a dumb movie with a few interesting moments. The early romance held my wife’s attention but she checked out the second act began. I had to look up of the script was written by AI because it was so, so bad.
I guess because it looks more dynamic and teamwork-y, several movies I’ve seen now have had moments when two people are back-to-back in a firefight, and each rotates 180 degrees. I’m fine if this involves each person firing a little to the right, then a little more to the right, etc., until they’ve swapped. That makes sense. But when they just swap, in the middle of an intense fight? That looks terrifically stupid to me. A triumph of the superficial over the intelligible.
The Parenting. A slightly weak final act can’t detract from a genuinely funny first two acts, as a gay couple invite their parents to a retreat in the country, only to find the house has a demon problem. Brian Cox is having a lot of fun here, and there are several Evil-Dead-style possession gags that are derivative but amusing. Lisa Kudrow is perhaps the least impressive (but still good) in a surprisingly powerful cast (Edie Falco, Dean Norris, Parker Posey). Some nice light fun.
3 couples vacation at an isolated cabin in the woods. The classic set up for a thriller film. Clocks in at a punchy 97 minutes so doesnt outstay its welcome. Stars Jack Quaid (Huey from the boys) and Sophie Thatcher (young Natalie from yellowjackets).
Probably best to watch without spoilers, but if I had to spoil it Id say the hook is that its like a feature length black mirror episode. The 2nd hook Id give (which comes out pretty early) is that Sophie Is Jacks ultra realistic sex bot, but she doesnt know shes a robot
The Killer. The Fast Bender as a hitman, camouflaged by anonymity, on a mission of revenge. Largely soundtracked by the Smiths, with Fincher’s usual stylish direction. I don’t think much of a lot of the tradecraft on show, which in some respects is laughably amateurish. Fassbender is impressive, though he narrates a little too much.
The Killer. So, I watched the wrong film. This John Woo effort, complete with telenovela-style zooms, feels unbearably amateurish, with even the action failing to impress. Say what you like about his earlier efforts, for all their cheapness they involved people who could look believable during action scenes, with some really skilled stunt work. Shonky script, shaky acting, and little else to recommend it.
