Film; or The Silver Screen

Soylent Green. It is the year 2022. Mankind is struggling with pollution, disease, and overpopulation. But seriously though, Charlton Heston, here played by a fresh and sweatily glossy side of pork, is a cop living with his gay lover and colleague, a researcher/clerk for the police department. A murder case proves to be rather complex, and Hesto ends up in over his head.

While a lot of the film is painfully limited, it gets an amazing amount right, and despite the ‘technology’ being laughable, there’s a great amount that is bang on, including things like the impersonal personalization offered by corporations, sex work, and the strain of under-funded and under-resourced infrastructure for everyone but the rich. There’s also a wonderful scene where Hesto has to be lured into hetero sexual congress via the offer of a shower, which is understandable as he has gay loving at home.

Hesto’s line delivery has not aged well, and the conclave of old Jews as the last bastion of knowledge I find odd, but the film still has a surprising amount going for it. It’s prescient, although the concerns it was expressing were valid back when it was made, they remain so.

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And it gave us the amazing Phil Hartman takes…

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  1. I had utterly forgotten that this film is set in 2022. Why is this not being trumpeted all over? I mean, it’s a terrible movie, but it deserves a revival during this, the year of its setting.

  2. Your summary of the movie is on-point and hysterical to me for some reason. Bonus points for not spoiling the ending.

  3. You wrote, “Hesto’s line delivery has not aged well,” and I think we can safely agree that this is true of everything he was ever in, especially shows where he was playing himself.

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Vampire’s Kiss. Now, I was six in 1988, when this was released… Something I share with my six-year-old self is my reaction to Nicholas Cage’s performance. If I had seen it when I was six, I would have been amused, but that amusement would have masked a deeper, more fundamental sense that the man himself, not the character, was disturbed.
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He doesn’t really do anything so selective as ‘acting’, and in every scene, he regularly reaches histrionic heights that would shame any other actor into quitting for the day, the week, or the rest of their lives, and have them mouthing “You fucking hack.” at their reflection every night. While the substance of the film lends itself to his overacting, Cage hallucinating being bitten by a vampire, and as a result totally losing control of his personal and work life as he turns into a vampire, is like pouring petrol on a bonfire.

Maria Conchita Alonso, Hollywood’s Most Put-Upon Woman, having to tolerate his increasingly erratic behaviour, is the most perfectly thankless task I can imagine, and there isn’t an actor alive who can out-nuke Cage in a scene with an atomic suicide bomb made up of their own unholy acting talent detonating in the space of their own lack of self-awareness. She doesn’t try, thankfully, and there really isn’t anyone else that is actually in the film very much.

Unhinged.

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I always assumed this was a forgotten Jerry Lewis script that Cage bought the rights to so he could do his Cage thing and claim it was all in the script. I mean, that seems pretty clearly who he’s aping in the movie.

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Joker.


Largely vapid, and paranoid about not being strong enough, that it needs to tie in to Bruce Wayne somehow. Extremely funny that, because they did this, Wayne’s parents were now shot in 1981, presumably after seeing Cheech and Chong’s Nice Dreams, Sharky’s Machine, or perhaps Superman II. This is because the film is the brain child of Todd ‘society is too woke for comedy’ Phillips, who is very stupid. There’s nothing really here of the actual Joker, it’s just What If Taxi Driver with Big Shoes?!

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Fresh.

I don’t normally watch thrillers but I enjoyed it. I’ve got no idea why it’s on NZs Disney+ service, and I wonder how many people might end up watching it with no understanding that they’ve started watching a thriller.

It was nice to see Sebastian Stan in a role other than the winter soldier.

I feel the film is in 3 acts with a different tone for each. It hangs together well enough as a whole, but the tonal shifts could have blended together better and made a more cohesive final product.

Night Moves. Jesse Eisenberg, Dakota Fanning and Peter Sarsgaard do an ecoterrorism, plotting to blow up a dam, with absolutely no consequences. A very thoughtful film, and Eisenberg even manages to carry off his role without a hint of comedy. A sober work, no flash, and a great view of the paranoia that is forced upon the characters, principally Eisenberg. He trudges through this quietly, not his standard role at all.

Red White and Blue. Amanda Fuller plays a sexually promiscuous lady really well, and Noah Taylor gets to be his usual restrained crazy, as several people placed in awful positions go on to do awful things, until a horrific finale. The ending is deliberately awful in such a calculated way that it stands out from the rest of the film; quiet craft in the previous two acts now seems like a deliberate soft-pedaling to lull you into a false sense of security. Personally apocalyptic, for all involved.

Power of the Dog, on Netflix. Enjoyed this so much I watched it a second time with the wife.

Beautifully shot, as is everything in New Zealand. Cumberbatch, Dunst, and Plemons are all fantastic, each playing their own role in what ultimately turns out to be a great thriller set as a Western.

One of the best endings I’ve seen in a movie in a long time. Well worth the 2h watch.

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Really? I struggled with it, much like Nightmare Alley, and packed it in part of the way through, because I had just signed out mentally. Worth the time?

Agreed - I found myself tuning out at points in the first viewing but having my mind blown by the ending. Well worth sticking with, and the second viewing let me pick up on stuff that I missed the first time around.

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Hahaha.

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Tolkien’s failures will be rectified by Amazon!

:roll_eyes:

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Thief. Everything Michael Mann is here already, the precision, the feeling of control, the exactness of intent, and James Caan is a solid lead. Professionalism is no bar to amateur interference, and his skilled burglar becomes embroiled with the mafia and crooked cops. You have some great proficiency porn in the crimes, and some surgical slow motion when the shooting occurs. The supporting cast is good, especially James Belushi, and Robert Prosky as a horrible mob boss, and mostly enhanced by being about 70-80% Italian-American (so about as Italian as Turkish delight). Tuesday Weld doesn’t get that much of a role as Caan’s love interest, but at least her lines are just as good as anyone’s, the film was written by Mann and has his usual essential, emphatic dialogue.

Power of the Dog. I don’t get it, lads. It’s very well made technically, the acting is good, but there’s nothing in the plot that has drawn my attention. I’ve seen people talk about the plot intricacy and the ending, and I don’t think there is any intricacy? I understand the ending just fine, I just don’t think it’s much of a twist, more of a mild surprise. Plemons’ character in particular is irritating, being entirely placid and unable to stand up for, or to, anything or anyone. Benadryl Cumsatchel gets the best role and does a lot of acting. Dunst’s sozzled hopelessness is so immediate I felt nothing but disappointment. Smit-McPhee’s careful, studied lack of reaction is nice, but it’s the only tool in his box.

Jurassic Park 3. Still coasting on the first film’s reputation, but nowhere near the lows of the following films, they managed to lure Dern back for three whole scenes, and Sam Neill gets to carry the rest, a particularly thankless task here alongside William H. Macy, Tea Leoni as the obligatory bit of crumpet, and Alessandro Nivola. The film does the ‘children in danger’ bit that has been a mainstay of the series since the first film, which only irritates me, seeing as some of the best parts of the whole series have been people being deservedly eaten by dinosaurs. While the creature effects are still good, the discrepancy between sets and locations in a Jurassic Park film, have never been more obvious to me, though the cast seem to have been knocked around and drenched with gusto regardless.

Hardcore. George C. Scott goes looking for his missing daughter who has disappeared into the porn industry of the big city. What really struck me about this one is how people are still telling this story decades later, with the likes of 8mm having a lot of the same beats. He’s a man completely out of his element, if not quite out of his depth, and he doesn’t hold back on showing the stress that comes with such a quest. The resolution is too neat, but refuses the shallow, easy answer. Bonus points for him leathering someone unconscious using a lamp, and being so angry he orders Peter Boyle’s private detective to fuck off out of his own place.

Spider-Man: No Way Home. It’s no Into the Spiderverse, but it’s good. I especially appreciate J. K. Persimmons turning J. Jonah Jameson into the MCU’s Alex Jones. Every character has an extra dimension to them, so even actors in otherwise-boring roles have something to do, there’s more integration with the MCU, plenty of humour, and while I don’t think much of Watts’ direction, it’s adequate. Doesn’t have the verve of Into the Spiderverse, and some of the visual design is poorly thought out, but an entertaining film.

Solis. Decent. Blatantly made on a low budget with little in the way of resources, it uses CGI to good effect for small background details, though it’s notably less effective for bigger shots. One man’s painful journey in an escape pod into more trouble, with a cast of one and some voices. Could have been much worse.

The Batman. Not bad by any means. Gotham is the most rotting it has ever been, a dilapidated Gothic rainy ruin that seems to be some sort of 70s New York City hellscape (except in panoramic shots where it looks a lot less shitty, which is annoying), and it’s an atmospheric setting for the majority of the film. Both the setting and events are really derivative of Seven, which is unfortunate, but the film does have some horror elements, in a few scenes, that are more original and should have been used more often. There really is space for an almost slasher-film approach, where Batman stalks criminals through dark environments and lets fear do half his job for him, but it’s not much in evidence here, sadly. It’s quite a dark film, almost entirely set at night, and there is some glorious use of lighting, and some not so great stuff too. Pattinson is fine as Batman, but strangely not very good at Bruce Wayne; in some scenes he looks like a younger, thinner Javier Bardem, sulking his way through. Zoe Kravitz as an elfin Catwoman was good, Paul Dano was excellent in his few scenes, and I wish Andy Serkis would fuck off. Jeffrey Wright as Gordon was a little light of a role next to Batman, with nowhere near as much to contribute. John Turturro as an almost archaic mafia don was a nice surprise. Colin Farrell is almost unrecognisable. At nearly three hours long, it’s a bit stretched, and I don’t think the main plot is very good at all (there’s some real problems with the incongruity between the supposed difficulty of the conundrums presented and the ‘intelligence’ of the protagonists), but there’s also a lot of good stuff here; the tense relationship between Batman and the police, the workmanlike and functional brutality of the fights, the way we see Batman from the perspective of the criminals, and the overall slightly different tone of the film, shifting away from the pitiless vigilantism of previous incarnations.

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Ambulance is the stupidest fucking film I have seen in years, and it is an enormous waste of time. Fuck every single thing about it and every single person involved in making it. More than two hours of pure shit. Get fucked.

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Ah, then perhaps you should watch the 2018 adaptation of “London Fields” with Billy Bob Thornton and Amber Heard (a perfect 10/10 on the Crazy/Hot matrix both as Nicola Six and IRL.) I may have mentioned this waste of celluloid before, actually? It was a commercial and critical disaster of impressive proportions. It takes true effort to achieve a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. As a long time dart player myself, any story where darts plays a significant role is going to be on target for me. Martin Amis’ novel is both desperate and difficult in every sense, and filled with both unforgettable and unlikeable characters. The movie adaptation, faithful to the book, is just as bleak. I’d put this on the list only if you’re a fan of the book, Amber Heard (why??), or train wrecks. Audiences will cringe when the movie makes a big point of Keith’s dramatic, agonizing miss of the board on an out; dartists will complain that Keith didn’t have an out anyway, and Chick shot the wrong third dart to leave 171. Terrible movie, even worse darts.

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I enjoyed The Batman quite a lot, particularly in the scenes that emphasized his detective skills. Like watching a bulletproof, moody Sherlock Holmes. One thing really bothered me, though. After chasing down the Penguin and causing mayhem and mass casualties during the highway chase, why weren’t both of them arrested and booked for reckless driving??